


Of Near Misses and Unhappy Anniversaries

by NicePumpkinSpice



Series: Of Sweet Memories and Guarded Moments [26]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 14:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3532049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicePumpkinSpice/pseuds/NicePumpkinSpice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evelyn plans to give Cullen the gift she bought in Valence but instead finds him in severe withdrawal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Near Misses and Unhappy Anniversaries

The door to Cullen’s office was slightly ajar when Evelyn arrived, so she went inside without knocking. Rather than listening to reports, Cullen was alone and hunched over his desk. If he heard Evelyn enter, he made no effort to look up. Evelyn felt a knot form in her stomach when she saw a small blue vial clasped in his hand - lyrium.

“Cullen?” she asked hesitantly.

He didn’t move, but Evelyn saw his eyes were closed and his lips were moving as if he were praying. She also noted the blue vial was still full and stoppered. She walked over to him and kneeled beside him. Placing her small hand on his forearm, she tried to get his attention again. “Cullen, look at me.”

He startled and then turned toward her. His eyes were sunken and bloodshot, and his face was pale and clammy. He was trembling and disoriented. “Evelyn, is that really you?” he asked.

_He’s hallucinating._ Evelyn thought. He was in severe withdrawal. Part of her wanted to encourage him to just take the lyrium. He truly was risking his life trying to stay clean. The larger part of her realized that he would rather die than remain chained to the blue potion.

“Cullen, it’s really me. I just made it back. I brought you a present from Valence. Give me the vial, and I’ll show it to you.” she encouraged.

He reached up and touched her hair. He let out a shuddering breath and then said, “Forgive me.”

“Cullen, give me the lyrium.” she said more forcefully. He made no move to hand it to her. Using her most authoritative voice, she said, “Commander, give me the vial. That is an order.” His templar training was an asset in that moment as he instinctively followed her command and gave her the vial. “Thank you.” she said quietly then tossed the vial out the arrow slit behind his desk.

“Why did you do that?” he growled and tried to stand. His legs gave way, and Evelyn found herself trying to keep 200 pounds of muscle and armor upright. 

She eased Cullen into his chair and bent over to be eye to eye with him. “I did that because when you are feeling better, you will be glad that I came in when I did. I did that because I love you.”

His eyes flashed with hatred. “I needed that. You threw it away.”

“You don’t need it, Cullen. Let me help. I can use some healing spells to take away the worst of the pain. If you get some rest, you will feel much better.” 

Evelyn stood so she could better cast, but Cullen grabbed her wrist and said through gritted teeth, “No magic.”

Evelyn nodded, and he released his grip. “Okay, no magic. But I’m not leaving you like this, Cullen. Will you at least eat a little of this food I brought?” She broke off a small piece of bread and brought it to his lips. He refused it. “Too sick,” was his only reply.

Feeling around in the bag she kept cinched to her waist, Evelyn located a vial of the medicine she had used to calm her stomach on the sea voyage. She pressed the vial to his lips and said, “This will settle your stomach some, love. Take a sip. It tastes terrible, but it really helps” He obliged, gagged, but kept the medicine down.

“I came to help.” Evelyn jumped when she heard Cole’s voice. Cole had come in so quietly that she didn’t know he was there.

_Thank the Maker._ she thought. “Cole, help me get his armor off.”

“Failing, falling, futility. Promises mean nothing if I can’t keep them.” Cole chanted.

“Cole stop reading his mind, and help me take off this heap of metal.”

“Yes, that will help. Take off some of the weight, but not all of it will ever leave.”

“The armor, Cole. Not his thoughts.”

Cole began to work the bindings on Cullen’s breastplate while Evelyn attacked his gauntlets. Working together, they relieved the Commander of his armor and underpadding. Cullen was left in a sweat soaked shirt and trousers.

“Cole, go upstairs and get him a clean set of clothes. Bring down a towel, blanket, and pillow, too.”

Cullen tried to protest the assistance, but Evelyn would have none of it. “I won’t leave you like this to catch your death of cold. You may not let me use magic, but I’ll be damned if I don’t help you otherwise.”

With Cole’s assistance, Evelyn sponged Cullen off and dressed him in the loose nightshirt Cole had brought. Evelyn made a makeshift bed on the sofa, and Cole helped Cullen cross the room and lie down. At Evelyn’s insistence, Cullen choked down some water and a few bites of bread. Then she gave him a few sips of a sleeping draught. His exhausted body soon gave in to a fitful sleep.

Once Cullen was resting, Evelyn dropped to the floor beside the sofa. Hot tears started streaming down her face, and she thought ruefully that at least she had skipped the eye makeup that night. Cole walked over and draped something on Evelyn’s shoulders. When her face felt fur, she knew it was the mantle Cullen usually wore. Pulling it around herself tightly, Evelyn took Cullen’s hand and rested her head against the sofa. 

_Why is this happening now?_ Evelyn wondered to herself.

“Twelve years.” Cole said as if Evelyn should understand his meaning.

“What?”

“Sitting silent, vigil’s vigilant, waiting for their first draught not knowing its pull. Last night whole. Empty evermore. Twelve years.” 

Decoding Cole was never simple, but Evelyn finally surmised that it must have been the anniversary of Cullen being fully inducted into the Templar Order and receiving his first taste of lyrium. A bitter memory considering all that it had cost him. Still - Cullen had been doing so well. What was the hold that the blue potion had to be able to control him still? 

Evelyn was furious - at the Chantry, the Templars, and especially Cullen. Why hadn’t he taken better care of himself? An attack as severe as he was experiencing was days in the making. Why hadn’t he slowed down, gotten more rest, talked to someone? And what was the deal with his prohibiting her from using magic? It always came down to the Mage/Templar crap - why he didn’t fully trust her and why she couldn’t share her worst memories with him. 

Evelyn wanted to bolt and build walls about herself to keep out this ache. She should have known better after what happened with Kevin. Why did she think it would be different with _this_ Templar? Lyrium always won.

“But it didn’t win.” Cole said simply.

_So much for being alone with my thoughts._ “Alright, Cole, tell me how the lyrium didn’t win.” Evelyn hissed.

“Praying, shaking, begging and then she’s here. Just like after Haven, hope when all seems lost. The siren song drowned out by her presence. Strong enough with her beside me.”

Evelyn rubbed the back of her neck. _Great, Cullen’s tic is rubbing off on me._ Then she looked at the burly warrior curled on the sofa. His blond hair made tight ringlets. She reached over and brushed through them with her fingers. He was so vain about his hair - always trying to keep his natural curls hidden with styling balms and short haircuts. Evelyn liked the curls, though. They were stubborn and hard to control - much like the parts of him that the Order never subdued. 

She was still angry and hurt, but she no longer had the urge to run and hide. It was far too early for her to fall asleep. She needed to think and looking around Cullen’s office she needed to clean. The disarray was a good thing. Nothing settled Evelyn’s mind more than putting things in order. She might not be able to make her own life neat and tidy, but she could certainly make this place less chaotic.

Cole spoke first, “You want me to go.” 

Evelyn winced because she really did want him to leave but didn’t want to seem ungrateful. “Cole, you helped so much. I just need time to think - on my own.” Evelyn bit her lip and waited.

“You want to think through everything in your head without someone saying the words aloud. I understand. Sometimes hearing doesn’t help the hurt.” Cole ambled away leaving Evelyn to wonder if she would ever become fluent in Colespeak.


End file.
